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Keep bees: Annoy the neighbourhood.

Keep a goat: Saves having a lawnmower.

Keep a horse: Annoy the motorist, (who has to pay road tax and insurance). The heaps of horse dung on country roads, can help car’s to rust. (You will get a fine if your dog fouls, does this apply to horses?)

Photography: Are you photogenic?

Stamp collecting: You cannot lick this.

Woodworking: Plane hobby.

Woodcarving: Carve a niche for yourself.

Model-making: Models are born not made.

Craftwork: Are you crafty?

Crosswords: Might make you cross.

Jigsaw puzzles: Don’t lose patience or the last piece?

Sudoko. Sod it.

Board games: Might make you bored.

Computer games: Takes up too much time.

Birdwatching: Is watching birds your game?

Plane spotting: Not in Greece.

Train spotting: Don’t miss the bus.

Astronomy: Can you see the dark side?

Fishing: Could you take all day to drown a worm? Is your tackle long enough?

Gardening: Growing and pulling up weeds.

Ballroom dancing: Two people trying to step on each other’s toes.

Line dancing: Save’s stepping on toes.

Crown green bowling: Men and women rolling the lawn with lopsided balls.

Ten-pin bowling: Not enough prize money.

Football Supporter: Grown men and women freezing to death in an open stand, eating pies and singing crude songs. watching overpaid group of men playing with a ball, hugging and kissing after scoring. Do not mention it’s only a game to a football supporter.